No one in the world can replace parents. It is rightly said, God cannot be everywhere, so he created parents.
Parental death is the most significant turmoil that can be brought in one's life, especially if it comes without a warning sign.
You might feel the ticking of the clock if you know your loved one is suffering from a fatal disease and have few weeks left. The only way that it helps is, you get mentally prepared for the loss.
Psychological effects of losing a parent are lifelong especially if you are quite young. A toddler would not realise what he is missing until late enough but a teen would feel the pinch throughout his life. The tragedy is that a vast majority of people in your age group would not have experienced such a setback which of course makes it difficult to fathom but not any less real.
Life seems cruel when you want to roam freely and enjoy things around you along with your parents, and suddenly your pillars of strength just vanish. The feeling that you are never going to see them again physically is heart-wrenching.
Read on to believe what actually happens when you lose a loved one.
My friend's dad complained of stomach ache six months back. We got him hospitalised after the doctor diagnosed him with extreme acidity. He passed away of pancreatic failure the next morning. It was devastating. Someone I shared jokes with until a few hours back was now no more.The feeling is bizarre.
You get worried and paranoid about all the things that can happen to the people closest to you just because you know how uncertain life is and how powerful time is.
If you thought, by crying hard on that one unfortunate day, you are done with mourning for the most significant loss in your life - you are mistaken.
The bitter truth is, the sense of loss intensifies with each passing day. You feel the need to hug your mom everytime you are sick; you need the assurance that come what may, you are safe just by sitting beside your dad.
You start coming to terms with the fact that either of them is not with you anymore.
Situations change every day, but the support you look for in your parents is always the same.
We are programmed to realise the worth of something only after it is over. Same holds for humans relations.
Parents are often taken for granted. Mommy's nagging, daddy's discipline would keep bothering until it stops forever. You cherish the underlying concern behind all of it only after it ends for a lifetime. At this point when you see someone mistreating his/ her parents, you feel the cringe. You don't know how to make the other one realise how lucky he is even to have a parent by his side. Moreover, if you see a parent pampering their kids, you suddenly feel so jealous and devastated.
This is one point in your life when you really need someone to be with you. People will come and go expressing their condolences but few will stay back and help you in sorting your shattered life. They would be the ones who would always come up in the hour of need.
You shall figure out who belongs to your territory.
When you lose a parent, you feel a void irrespective of age. The sense of loss is buried deeply. At the subconscious level, you feel the damage all the time. Crying is an outburst. Tears roll down when you can't keep it within.
Don't stop doing it, the more you let it out; the lighter you shall feel.
To accept the loss of someone you love forever is not easy. When something like this happens unexpectedly, you have no option but to make it through. Once you've survived this humongous loss you realize that nothing will ever stop you because none of life's obstacles will ever amount to this tragedy. You realize you can survive literally anything life throws at you. You begin to realise your strengths and your assets.
This is the most critical learning that you take away. You value every single relation, experience, memory or moment. You accept the fact that everything you currently have can be lost in an instant, without any warning. You have learned what is essential in life, and what is not. Your meaning of life has changed forever.
Not everyone understands what you're going through, which means the people that do understand become so much more valuable. You cherish the affection and love of such people to help you heal from your loss and to remind yourself that there are people in your life who are important.
It makes you cherish the people you have more than ever before, and you want to hold onto them even stronger.
Unless you have your own child, you don't equate yourself to your parents. Only when you are aboard you understand the deeper implications of parenting. You will relate to all the nagging and the lifestyle issues your mom or dad shared with you. Whether it is dressing up or keeping the house in order or any food item, things would spring up throughout and you won't stop comparing yourself to your parents.
You have literally lost your lifeline, and you are pretty aware of the fact that no one except you is as profoundly affected as you are. When people express their grief or concern, you actually do not like it for two reasons. One, they might be fake and not mean it in the first place. Second, everytime someone asks you about how you feel; you relive that punch in your stomach.
In a nutshell, you are scared of getting emotional when someone comes up with the sensitive issue, and you do not want to reveal your innermost feelings to everyone around. You, therefore, gradually achieve the skill of being indifferent to such instances. Difficult yet essential.
The one thing that you eventually realise is, life is too short for whims. You start valuing relations and moments and living life as if any day might be your last.
Just because you understand how quickly life can end, you want to experience life for your parents, for everything they are missing out on.
Despite the fact that they are no more, you will still be a daughter or son to your parents. They'll always be your parents, and you shall carry them with you each day.
So all you lovely people walk up to your parents say you love them if you haven't done so before. Cherish them till you have them and rejoice their presence in your minds if they are not with you.
Do write to me at firstname.lastname@example.org to share your personal views.
Cover image courtesy: Pinterest.