My mother always told me that there are no ugly women. But you know what, the reality is, some people are ugly and unattractive. No matter how you slice it, how mature or smart we grow up, a part of us whispers, "Oh! She is fat," or "She is a bit dusky."
Am I right or am I right?
We live in a coin like society, one side of which talks about equality and feminism, while the other judges women for their appearance. But do we ever think how our small jokes, pranks, or comments affect them?
I realised this when I recently read some confessions of women who the society calls 'unattractive.' Here are some such confessions
"I've been friend-zoned. You know those memes where the woman says "Aww, you're such a nice guy. Why can't I find a guy just like that?". Well, it's happened to me, except that the man wanted a smart woman who was just like me, but apparently prettier. I've become jaded as a result of this, and I always assume that all a man looks for in a woman is (conventional) beauty."
"I cannot count how many times this has happened. And almost always, they stop talking to me once they've gotten the woman's number. I have learnt to deal with this by refusing to be the middleman."
"My mother was worried when I was going off to the hostel, and a particularly caustic elder lady consoled her saying, 'Oh don't worry! I'm sure she won't do a love marriage in college. Her looks would turn anyone off!'. Another one pointed to a cousin of mine and told me, "Look! She's the beauty of the family. And what are you? Nothing!". Every time I meet them, I hear a new insult, but I've learnt to disregard them and develop a hide-like skin."
"People stop you on the road to tell you that you're a disgrace and that looking at you made their morning go sour. Auto drivers give you tips to look better and reduce weight because otherwise, you'd break their auto. Tailors tell you that walking most definitely works. People in buses look at you like you're the biggest pile of excrement they've ever seen and wrinkle their noses. Again, I've learnt to hear it from one ear, and leave it out the other."
"The fact that you like walking doesn't make sense, you're so fat. It's weird that you can dance well, you're so fat. I didn't think you'd be so active; you're so fat. I'm surprised you're a nice person, you're so fat. Good god, the wide variety of assumptions people make cracks me up. Of course, they are no more in number than assumptions about pretty people, thin people, whatever, but still!"
"As a kid in school, when I got into any debates, the only closing argument the other party could come up with is, "Oh yeah? Well, you're fat and ugly!". No shit, Sherlock. I thought people would grow up as time passes, but I came across the same kind of people in college too."
"I was 13. A family friend, whose daughter I went to school with, tells my mom: "Your daughter must be doing her Bachelors now".
Mom: "No, she is in 8th grade!"
Lady: "But she looks so big and old!"
"I felt everyone was smirking at me and gossiping about my weight. I avoided buying clothes; I had given up all hopes of finding pretty "plus sizes". I had severe self-confidence issues that I tried covering up with a lot of arrogance and denial. I had given up all hopes of being "pretty", "delicate" and subjected myself to my self-pity."
"I usually always ranked in top 10% of my batch, I had a good research and publishing record, sharp sense of humour, all those works. But to most, I was still a target of their disdain."
"The memories of girls moving away from me like I had the plague when I tried to make friends. The memories of casting directors for my high school's plays telling me that, as great of an actress as I was, they simply "couldn't find a place" for me. The memories of teachers not giving me any attention in class. The memories of strangers avoiding sitting next to me on public transportation because they were scared of how my face looked."
Is being unattractive a flaw? Is there something called 'unattractive'? If yes, what are we going to teach our kids?
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