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IN People ON 11 Jun, 2015
Birthdays are fun when you're the one blowing the candles and all your family and close friends are there to celebrate it with you, but when someone out of that circle wishes you happy birthday and pretends to be close to you, it becomes awkward. You have been through those situations I'm sure, and so here are the ten types of birthday wishers you'll meet throughout your life, on every single birthday of yours and sir, there's no escaping it. Period.
These are the scariest people. They will call right at the moment the clock strikes 12 and when you're waiting for their 'happy birthday', they'll sing you a Taylor Swift song about friendship and love and put a custom-made birthday line in between. When you're already half shit scared out, they'll creep you more by saying 'I got a surprise gift for you. Are you free in the evening?' Hang up with a sweet a reason and put the phone on flight mode forever.
This guy is one of those blokes with whom you shared some inside jokes back in the school years. You were good friends basically. But he refuses to believe that you aren't that close anymore. So he'll remind you of the prank you guys played on the maths teacher and try to revive the friendship. But that's what you have been hearing from him since the last four birthdays. The best thing to do is, laugh and laugh more and hang up quick.
This girl calls you right in the middle of the night somewhere between 2 am and 3 am and in the background of loud trance music she shouts, 'Happiee birthdayy sweetpants! OMG you have grown 22!! I'm at this new club and its todally cool! We should celebrate your birthday paady right here! Want me to book a table?' Say its too loud, hang up and don't forget to postpone your birthday party.
They will wish you a happy birthday and ask you if you remember how much fun you had together on your last birthday. When you'll say yes just to be nice, that's where you will open the door to the whole drama of I-still-love-you-oh-I-miss-you stuff. I don't know what you can do in this situation. You could pray for some lucky connection failure, perhaps.
These people have disappeared completely from the back of earth or at least that's what you believe because you haven't had the faintest sign of their existence, not even on facebook. Then, as your birthday morning is just about to begin, they call up from some creepy unknown number and say, 'Hey guess who?!' which honestly creeps your skin more. Then they reveal their identity, wish you a happy birthday and keep asking you about your job like they're interested when they're clearly not until you come up with a lame reason to hang up. Rest assured they won't call until the next birthday!
These are definitely only men, always. Probably elder to you by a year or two. They'll wish you a happy birthday and tell you to drink responsibly like they're giving some life advise. Say thanks like you mean it. And you don't have to hang up. They'll do that before you do. Cool.
Mentally, that is. They call you and cry out, 'Happppppy birthdayyy partyy hard!! woooohhhh!!!' That would have looked good as a text message eight years ago but this person chooses to spell it out for you. Control your laughter. That's all you have to do throughout the conversation really.
So you are finally at the club having a good time with your squad. That's when some of your distant friends who are in another group spot you. They come over to wish you a happy birthday and camouflaged in that gang is this guy. He doesn't know you at all but he is friends with people who are your distant friends. And since they have wished you a happy birthday and hugged you, he has to choose between staying away from the scene and acting like a rude bastard or saying happy birthday and giving you an awkward hug. He opts for the latter. Happy birthday.
You know literally everything about this guy's life because it pops up in your newsfeed. And yet you cannot say if he is a real person or an automatically generated bot because you have never met him and won't. But he will wish you a happy birthday with a photo of cake on your wall. He will also message you on facebook saying, 'so where's the party?' amongst other things and will pester you with the question so much at one point you might even wonder if you should tell him. Don't. And log out of facebook before it gets on your nerves.
They will probably wake you up on your birthday and ask you to pray or something just because it's your birthday. Then they will say happy birthday and tell you how important this year is regardless of what age you have arrived at. They will go on to rant about what they did when they were your age (opened a shop/got a job/anything that you will not do) and ask you to learn to be responsible. The life advise will go on and stop at why should you not do drugs. You might also have to understand and go through 'what life means' in some cases. Try not to be rude and smile through it. They don't tell you this everyday after all. It's your birthday.
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