Remember those days when I used to jump from the bus and hug you everyday after school. You knew how my day was, if my smile did not fade away. Remember, when I returned with a swollen face, you knew I had been scolded for something… Remember, my long face? You knew my best friend had a fight with me. You have seen all my faces, isn't it? Dad would never understand that as much as you could.
I grew up, I had secrets to keep from you. I did get scolded in college, punished for tantrums, had fights with besties but I never repeated those expressions. Still you knew from my silence that something went wrong in the last few hours.
My practice of keeping secrets made me a fine liar and I refused to show it to you in any case when I grew up to be a working woman. I made sure my irritations do not disturb your night's sleep any more. But there is, this instinct in you that developed as well and you knew it from some actions that I was not my normal self. 'I tried to laugh even if my salary got delayed for months, I partied with you even if I had a firing from boss. But your scanning thoughts knew the heavy lump in my throat and you were always there for me.
I am married now; troubles, worries and disturbances have changed. Life today is very different. New responsibilities and challenges to meet up to every new person's expectations have overburdened me. This is something I have to face myself. I live in another home, with husband and in laws. They are fine people. They have accepted me and love me a lot. But there is this one person missing in my life - YOU! There is no one who can quickly judge the chaos in my mind or the heavy heart feelings. I thought I have grown matured and can live alone, but little did I know that this isn't an easy task. I am with 50 more people around me, they like me, I like them, but comfort still lies in your lap.
It's cozy when you are around, I still feel warm in your arms.
Every day I used to share my daily happenings with you in the evening sipping over a cup of tea or maybe while dining together. I still want to share a hundred things everyday, but I won't. The day I left my home to be the bride of a new place, I vowed to myself to never trouble you, no matter how little is the discomfort and how odd are the new habits. But at the same time I know, the moment I stepped out with the new family, your new worries began.
As a child, I have been your main concern and subject of worry ever since I was conceived in your belly. All those uneasy and painful 9 months, followed by sleepless nights… and till date! Even today, you look forward to my phone calls in anticipation of a happy healthy voice. If I happen to sneeze while on call you have those lines taking positions on your forehead, marking the beginning of another reason to worry.
If realising your worth is enough to thank you then please accept my gratitude. But I don't think this is enough for all the years you have nourished my soul and not enough for the years to come for they are certainly not going to be very different from what I mentioned above. I wonder what is the superlative degree of "thank you" Maa… if there is any, I thank you in that manner and still being very selfish, I still want to be that school girl who jumps out of the school bus happily looking at your face, because the charm in your eyes has always made me feel better. You are the charm that I cannot afford to lose at any cost.
Love You Maa…. Today, everyday and forever...
Yours and only yours,
Originally posted on Revived Memories
(Pictures are for illustration purpose only)