For most of us, being a doctor seems like a pretty exciting career choice. From all the TV shows set in hospitals, it appears that sharply dressed doctors glide into the Emergency Room, perform a brief medical miracle then exit to a resounding applause from the relieved waiting relatives.
But what if it's not really like that? Based on the answers given on a Quora Question and an AskReddit thread, it seems the image is very far from the truth.
'It was my very first posting as an intern (gynaecology) in an Emergency Room, and I had no real idea what I was doing. The senior who was supposed to accompany me in the ER was half an hour late.
I was sitting there with a loudly beating heart and nervous smile when suddenly a family came with a mother in labour. My time to shine. I had to examine her alone. I did know the theoretical part, so I managed to go through the procedure but did not have any idea on how to interpret my findings.
I washed my hands and began to write advice for admission.
Meanwhile, the nurse on duty started shouting. I rushed out to the trolley and saw the head of the baby was crowning! And I had no idea what to do!
The nurse took over, taking pity on me; and delivered the baby in the corridor on the trolley itself. I assisted her and desperately tried to understand the procedure.
After the delivery, I came back and profusely thanked the nurse, promising to bring her chocolates the next day. My senior had arrived by then and heard the entire story.
He laughed for a good while and then assured me, "You did well."
I smiled, still with a nervous beating heart.'
'I'm not a doctor, but a dentist.
Back when I first started cleaning teeth a few years ago, I had a client who came in to get her teeth cleaned. She was the sweetest little old lady with tons of energy and was full of life. I got her comfortably seated in the chair, leaned her back, and started cleaning away.
Half way through the appointment, my stomach started to grumble pretty seriously. She pokes fun at me for my gurgling and we both have a laugh. Minutes later, the grumbles in my stomach make their way down to my butt and it takes everything I have not to fart with this sweet lady's head between my legs.
But it's no use. I figure that if its going to force its way out, I might as well make it a silent one. I straighten up my posture and lean ever so slightly towards my tray of instruments to "swap for a new one".
I must have miscalculated or something because what was supposed to be a silent fart, turned out to be one of those toots that sounds like Mario jumping from the original Super Mario Bros.
The Granny looked at me with a look that was one part bewilderment, another part amusement, and the last I'm not even sure (maybe pity?). All she said was "There you go, Dear! Now I don't feel so bad for letting a few go myself out in the waiting room!"
'Many years ago I saw a female patient who complained of a painful boil on her shoulder. Accompanied by a nurse chaperone, I noted a large inflamed pustule on the back of her right shoulder, midway between her neck and shoulder joint.
As I was examining the area, pressing to determine the depth and size of the pustule, it burst.
Bloody pus (sorry) sprayed onto my white shirt collar and necktie. Of course, this relieved some of her pain, but I was thankful that she wasn't able to see my expression since I was standing behind her.
After a remarkably calm and quick cleanup by the amused nurse, I dressed the area and humbly retreated. The nurse and I used hydrogen peroxide to finish de-staining my shirt and tie (a trick I'd learned from having to remove blood stains from white lab coats), as I had no fresh shirt and had other patients to see.
This exemplifies why doctors' neckties should be regarded as unhygienic.'
'The first time I saw a man naked was in med school when we saw our first cadaver. Frankly, I think that sets you back a bit sexually'.
'I did my residency a couple years ago. A woman came in for a checkup at the clinic I was working at. During a routine breast examination, I shifted her left breast, and a slice of Wonder Bread that had been wedged underneath fell to the floor.
I quietly moved onto the right breast, respectfully ignoring the bread, until a second piece of soggy, white Wonder Bread fell onto the floor.
Unable to bite my tongue any longer, I looked at the woman - who didn't seem to think that anything strange had happened - and said, "Ma'am, were you aware that you had two slices of bread lodged beneath your breasts?"
Her response: "It's hot out! I get sweaty!"
Way back in the day, maybe thirty years ago, we had a patient that would tell all female nurses: "I have your name tattooed onto my penis."
One day, one of the curious nurses decided to take a peek while the patient was asleep.
Turns out he literally had the two words "YOUR NAME" tattooed onto his penis'.
'This piece is based on a Quora Question and an AskReddit thread. Links on the last page. I was once checking stitches on a patients leg who was wearing a skirt and going commando. She sneezed and peed on me. I stood up and in an effort to alleviate the tension she gave an awkward grin and said softly', "I guess I did have to go. Oops!"
'One time, a patient's father attacked me because he felt I wasn't doing my job well enough. Two minutes later, I was packing his nose with cotton to try and stop the bleeding.
So that was pretty awkward'.
'I used to work at a university medical centre. One day, an 18 or 19-year-old guy comes in, nervously asking for an STD check. I began with the usual questions:
ME: Have you had unprotected sex recently?
ME: Have you had protected sex recently?
ME: When was the last time you've had sex?
HIM: Never, I'm a virgin.
ME: Have you engaged in oral sex?
ME: When was the last time?
HIM: This morning.
ME: Do you know the person?
HIM: Sure, it was me.
Oh boy. I should have been a firefighter'.
'We once had a delusional guy who was so adamant about us not getting a stool sample from him that he defecated in the collection tub and then proceeded to try and eat the contents'.
Also, check out Where Can We Find These Hilarious Doctors?