Teachers hear some pretty crazy things from the kids in their classrooms. Sometimes hilarious and sometimes moving; kids can really show you a whole new perspective and make you think about a situation in a new light. Especially, when they so innocently express themselves and talk about the things going on around them. Here we have 23 of the funniest, the craziest and the most moving secrets that kids have told their teachers!
I had a kid who's parents were morticians. The second day of school the student told me "Mommy's job is to poke dead people to make sure they are actually dead." I mean, good on them for normalizing their career to their kids.
This kid also really loved Are You Afraid of the Dark? and Beetlejuice. They were five and could quote the movie better than any adult.
Recently my students wrote about whether they would go to the past or the future and why. One student said he would go to the past and prevent his mom from getting arrested. Heartbreaking.
I worked at a preschool, but at the time I was in charge of the K-8th grade after school and summer program. During the summer I walked into one of our rooms where a new kid who was between preschool and kindergarten is choking himself with a belt with another student watching him.
Now we were pretty sure both these kids were on the autism spectrum, but it was a Catholic school with no special educational services, and neither child's parents had had them tested. So I sent the student that was watching to the other room and asked the kid why he was choking himself?
The kid tells me he saw his dad choking himself with a belt while his mom watched but she was naked. I was lost for words and told the kid something along the lines of don't do it again and go play video games. The worst part was that when I told my boss about it, she made me talk to the parents because I was a man and the child in question was a boy. Nothing more uncomfortable than explaining to a super Catholic family that their young son caught them during some autoerotic asphyxiation.
I worked at a summer program at an elementary school. Behind me, I hear one little girl say to another, "A boy can't hit a girl unless they're married." It's scary to think about what might happen at home.
We were having one of those events where parents are invited to watch their kids perform. There was a 7-year-old girl whose father arrived just in time to watch her. I asked her if she was happy that daddy made it on time. She says "Eh. I only ever see Daddy when school has these events, he likes to come so he can pretend he still lives with Mommy and me."
I had a student who was going through a rough patch. After talking, she said that her brother's birthday was coming up and that he had died a few years before.
He died in circumstances that I guess the parents were ashamed of and had forced her not to tell any of her friends that she had a brother. They even switched schools so she would be away from anyone who knew their family and was told that he died suddenly from cancer.
She was extremely close with her brother, but was forced to live a life where she couldn't talk about him and none of her friends even knew he existed. The story got worse but I'll end it there. Absolutely heartbroken for that girl, but I was so happy that she came to trust me like that and that she could talk with someone.
I remember teaching first grade and the kids were learning to read the -ed ending for past tense verbs. One sentence had the word "rested" in it. A kid piped up with, "I know that word! My daddy got rested last night! Cops were everywhere!"
A little boy told us a while ago that his Daddy and Mommy don't go to sleep together and that Mommy sleeps in a different bedroom than Daddy. Then one day he told us he can't sleep because they yell all the time.
We decided to bring this up to mom because the poor kid seemed so tired even with naps in the middle of the day. All she said was "Yeah, isn't it [ridiculous] what kids can pick up on?" And just chuckles.
Grandma told us the next day that the mom and dad are getting a divorce and dad doesn't want to because he wants his family together, and the mom wants to take all of his money. Of course, it's dad's mom saying this so I'm sure it's biased so we don't know the exact story.
Kids absorb everything they hear and everything they see. Parents don't think that fighting or even the littlest things from their relationships affect their kids but, it completely changes a child's behavior. Just make sure you're that parent that actually cares enough to change something and not be embarrassed by it. Us teachers aren't here to judge. We care about your kids and their wellbeing. We don't care about what's going on in your personal life.
A girl and a boy were playing with dolls, and the girl had her doll pee, standing up.
The boy said that "Girls can't pee, they don't have a weaner."
The girl said that "Girls can have weaner's, they just don't get them until they're older.
The boy said that "Nu-uh, only boys have weaners."
The girl said that "Not true, my mommy has one, she keeps it in the drawer, and she says I'll get one when I'm older too."
One of my third graders told me that he couldn't do his homework because his dad used his last piece of notebook paper to roll a joint.
The most memorable is a 5-year-old girl told me that her dad has a huge penis and actually drew a picture of him and his big penis.
Preschoolers tell their teacher's EVERYTHING.
"Mommy says I shouldn't touch Black people because they're dirty."
This was at a summer camp in a wealthy, fairly-liberal suburb of DC. But mom was from South Africa.
There was this one kid in one of our classes, he was 4. He came up to me and showed me a picture he drew of him and his father. They were both naked and he had drawn little penises on them. The penis for himself was normal, and the one for his dad was disproportionally large. He pointed them out, "Dis is my peepee, and dis is daddy's peepee. His peepee's BIGGGG." And he gestured with his arms spread out.
I started to laugh but tried to hold it and was like, "That's a very nice picture, your dad will love it."
"It's real bigggg!" He said.
One kid randomly told me her father was in prison. My eyes widened and I just nodded with a smile and said, "Okay."
A little 4-year-old girl in my class informed me "Daddy has pees in his pants cause he had a dicksectomy"
18/23 My Dad has two Willie's. "Really?" Yep, he has a little one he wees out of and another big one he brushes Mum's teeth with.
One of my students once told me daddy drank too much beer and mummy made him sleep in the bathtub.
One little girl, around the age of three, once told me, "Daddy has to sleep on the couch because he likes to drink and has sleepovers with lots of girls." She's very open and tells everyone when her dad has to sleep on the couch. The whole school knows he's a scumbag and his wife only stays with him for his money. It's pretty sad how much she knows about her parent's relationship.
"Mummy gives Katie (younger sister) special juice to stop her from crying"
Horrified, I made a safeguarding note, and then casually brought up the topic about Katie crying. It turns out Katie was teething and "Mummy" was putting whiskey on her gums to sooth teething, as that's what her grandmother was telling her to do.
Back when I was a third-grade teacher, we were doing our spring planting and were planting sunflower seeds with the idea of tracking their growth. One of my students thought it was great because her dad had a bunch of plants in the closet with lights and she could now help her dad take care of them.
One kid explained he couldn't get peace to do his homework at the kitchen table because "people always come to the back door and mom sells them packets of stuff."