Loneliness and aloneness are two different states of mind.
I think you are the poorest person if you consider yourself as lonely. But before I proceed, it is very important for you all to know that it is in your hands that you choose "loneliness" or "aloneness." Confusing right! Because they turn out to be synonyms in the dictionary.
Well, for this I would like to quote Osho's saying here to let you find out where you are failing to understand. Osho says, "Loneliness is a state of mind when you are constantly missing the other whereas aloneness is the state of mind when you are constantly delighted in yourself." And what you have got to realize from this is that loneliness is a negative state of mind whereas aloneness is positive.
So come, let us know the ways in which loneliness is misunderstood and ways to overcome it.
Loneliness is a state of mind when you are constantly missing the other. A lonely person is always worried, missing something, hankering for something, desiring for something. Loneliness is ugly, beggarly and demands dependency. But these are all just a state of mind and makes you quite miserable. You think you have been excluded or isolated by the society, but no, it is not that big of a problem. And certainly, you will make it an issue if you keep carrying it with you.
Only if alcohol helps you to get high and forget everything, it does not mean that alcohol will become a permanent companion in your sorrows.
According to Osho- "If you move into a relationship when you are feeling lonely, then you will exploit the other. The other will become a means to satisfy you. You will never get someone to fall in love with you because no man who is really living his aloneness will be attracted towards you. You will be too below him. He can, at the most, sympathize, but cannot love you. One who is at his peak of aloneness can only be attracted towards somebody who is also alone."
"One should first come to terms with his own loneliness before entering into a relationship because, if not, then you will be frustrated, and in the name of love you will be doing something else which is not love at all. You don't love each other; you are simply using them not to be lonely."
We are born alone, we live alone, and we die alone. Aloneness is our very nature, but we are not aware of it. Because we are not aware of it, we remain strangers to ourselves. "Loneliness does not strike us in a particular situation or age but hits when we fail to read ourselves.
No, you first start enjoying yourself. First love yourself. First become so authentically happy that it doesn't matter even if anybody new enters your life or not; you must feel full, overflowing. If nobody knocks at your door it is perfectly okay -- YOU are not missing. You are not waiting for somebody to come and knock at the door. You are at home. If somebody comes, good, beautiful. If nobody comes, that too is beautiful and good on its own.
You should be happy for your happiness and other's presence should not matter.
"Everybody is running away from loneliness. It is like a wound; it hurts. To escape from it, the only way is to be in a crowd, to become part of a society, to have friends, to create a family, to have husbands and wives, to have children. In this crowd, the basic effort is that you will be able to forget your loneliness."
"But nobody has ever succeeded in forgetting it. That which is natural to you, you can try to ignore -- but you cannot forget it; it will assert again and again. And the problem becomes more complex because you have never seen it as it is; you have taken it for granted that you are born lonely."
Just because you are not able to get along with some people does not mean that your standards of living and thinking do not match to others. You need to wait for the right people to come and value your personal nature.
Thinking of yourself as unfruitful is the biggest of all the negative things you can ever list out of. You think you are not competitive enough to face the world and therefore sought to shut yourself so that there is no competition and no failure.
I have lost my goal in life and now I have nothing to think of. I am lost and now I am wasted and hence secluding is the only way that seems perfect because no one will ask me about my life anymore.
You are lonely because of your insecurity to think yourself as inferior, not because people have abandoned you because of your appearance.
Unless you are positive from the inside, you cannot attract people, you cannot add grace to your identity. But if you are a pessimist, you cannot produce anything out of your surrounding.
Obviously, it is a natural human tendency to take time for overcoming the absence of someone, but it is not a good way to let that feeling overpower your social life. You cannot close yourself with a particular person's memories.
Certainly not, this is the silliest you can think of because this way you can hurt yourself internally. If people do not show genuine concern, it does not mean that they are not worried and cannot share your bad times. If they fail to contribute, you yourself can approach them.
People start playing cards alone; the other party is not there. They have invented games in which the same person plays cards from both sides because they somehow want to remain engaged.
"There are workaholics; they are afraid when the weekend comes close-- what are they going to do? And if they don't do anything, they are left to themselves, and that is the most painful experience.
People are playing cards, chess; people are watching television for hours. The average American watches television five hours a day; people are listening to the radio... just to avoid themselves. For all these activities, the only reason is-- not to be left alone; it is very fearful. And this idea is taken from others. Who has told you that to be alone is a fearful state?"
For that, first transform yourself from a "loner" to "alone", because they say there is nothing more beautiful, more peaceful, more joyful than being alone. Aloneness is a deep fulfillment, not going out, tremendously content, happy, and celebrating.
Reflect happiness and decrease dependency. Add grace to your existence. Don't let anybody else become the core of your life. Become the hero of yourself!
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