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IN People ON 14 Jun, 2016
Cheating in committed relationships is more common than most of us would like to believe. But why do people cheat? Surely if you are in a loving relationship there's no need! But the fact is that people are cheating intentionally.
DIANA APPLEYARD reveals that one in five British couples cheating their partner and has solid reasons behind cheating.
Nick a 42 years old IT worker, is having an affair for two years with Caroline.
"I have to be honest and say that at first our affair was all about sex. I'd seen Caroline at my kids' school and thought how pretty she was, with such a great figure. She's quite a crazy dresser too, long skirts and Dr. Martens. There was this connection between us, and my first thought was, "I bet she's great in bed."
"I'd had a couple of affairs before, but just short-lived bonds. We're both much less 'responsible' than our other halves, and I think we bring out the child in each other."
"We can only make love during the day, and once we nearly got caught by her cleaner, who arrived unexpectedly. I literally had to hide naked in the wardrobe. We are a bit reckless, we had to stop emailing because her husband got suspicious.
We have secret pay-as-you-go phones so we can communicate. I keep mine in my car, locked in the glove compartment. It gives me something to look forward to every day, hearing from her.
I should feel guilty, but I don't. Although the affair started through sexual desire, it's now much, much more. I love her."
"I think I still love my wife, and in a way having Caroline means I can put up with the boring bits with my wife. I adore my kids and can't imagine the thought of being a weekend McDonald's father. No matter how carefully we tried to manage it, if we divorced we'd end up with ruined lives, and I think we'd end up resenting each other. Financially, we'd be screwed too. I know these aren't noble reasons for staying in a marriage, but they are practical ones."
"I'm sure that Caroline is the love of my life – but no one will ever know. If they did, the destruction and chaos would affect not just us and our family but our parents, friends it's unthinkable. People would see our affair as sordid and wrong, whereas to us it feels anything but. That's how I justify it to myself, we deserve to be happy."
Caroline, who is 36, and the mother of three kids justifies her relationship with Nick.
"It's the intensity with which he stares into my eyes as we make love, the absolute need we have to possess each other. Afterward, lying in sweat-soaked sheets that I have to make a mental note to change, he says, "I love you. I can't live without this".
I keep my secret phone in my knicker drawer, and my heart almost stopped when one of my children found it and said, "Mummy, what's this?"
I can't imagine ever saying anything like this to my husband, he'd be so shocked.
But, Nick understands me. We're soul mates. We're both slightly hippy, creative types, we both read English at the university."
"Two and a half years ago I mentioned I wanted a particular book and Nick said he had a copy and would drop it round. I think we both knew what was going to happen."
"I was so shocked at how alive it made me feel. It was like suddenly seeing the world in colour. I couldn't stop grinning. Even my husband noticed the change in me. I got my hair cut and bought new clothes and sexy lingerie. My friends noticed the change too, and I confessed all to my best friend. She said I must be nuts, because I have so much to lose in material terms."
"Nick and I talk endlessly about this but we can't split up our marriages.
My husband would fight me through the courts for my children. He'd do everything he could to ruin my life.
Nick's wife earns the majority of their money, too. She'd boot him out and do all she could to stop him seeing his children.
If we're discovered, all hell will be let loose. But, I can't give Nick up. Apart from the children, I love him most in the world. Only he's not mine."
Cheating does not mean you are a terrible person, but it does make you a terrible person, temporarily. In a relationship, you are committing to each other, and cheating violates that trust and promise. And, that's why cheating makes you a terrible person, for the moment.
Whatever the reasons are but cheating cannot be justified by anything. If you are not happy in a relationship, just go and tell your partner. It's hard to end the relationship but cheating will make it worse.
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