On In InnerVoice

"I always wanted to be like my mum, but now I don’t!"

It’s Mother’s Day again and what will the world do? Buy some materialistic gifts for their mums, or some more thoughtful kids will give their mums a break and take them out for dinner or simply let her rest and shower some extra love, ONLY for this one day. A few creative ones may have some other surprises planned for her, but I repeat, ONLY for this one day that has been marked as the Mother’s Day.Thank you to the inventor of this day for at least dedicating one day in the year to those selfless souls who otherwise go unrecognized. Now doesn’t the intro sound a li’l contradictory to the title? You’ll have to read through this open letter dedicated to all the mums if you want to understand why I’ve changed my mind from wanting to be like my mum to “now I don’t”.

Happy Mother’s Day!

Just a little dose of information for you - Mother's Day was first observed in the year 1908 in West Virginia (the US). It was designated by Presidential proclamation and was officially recognized in 1914 by Congress and the President. It is celebrated in the honor of mothers on the second Sunday of May every year.

My idol!

My mum was my idol, someone I looked up to, and wanted to be like. She was and is still the most beautiful woman I know. She is my pillar of support, my most trusted person, my source of encouragement, and my best critic! Love you, Mamma!

She’s always on an experimentation spree…

Her undulating efforts to instill the best values in my sister and me will never be forgotten. Her trials and experiments with cooking fascinated us and made us happy (sometimes angry too), but she never stopped trying, not even now when I have grown even more critical and cannot help my taste buds from complaining about certain occasions. Keep experimenting, Mamma!

A versatile personality!

She had some sorcerous powers that transformed her from an angel to a fuming witch in no time. This sudden makeover sent chills down my spine and left me wondering where I went wrong, except for having left the tap left open in the kitchen (hardly twice or thrice a day) or just spilling milk all over the counter while preparing corn flakes (every alternate day). Such “petty” and “usual” mishaps caused her to come enraged at me (don’t know why) and the rest is history. But somehow, I  still recall that angelic face that always looked at me with love and affection. Love you, Mamma!

She taught me to apologize and stay humble.

There were days I used to come home crying from school or college and she used to hug me, comfort and calm me down in just a few minutes. Whatever the reason be or whosoever’s fault it was, I was always advised to apologize to whoever made me cry. It made me upset initially and feel inferior, but eventually, I realized it works! It made me feel better with time and be more humane and kind to others. Today, I am described as a compassionate and understanding individual and that makes me feel happy and content. Thanks, Mamma!

My temperamental queen!

I’ve had my fair share of thrashings, some too painful to describe. Well, I have a tendency to exaggerate so excuse my words but just empathize with me for a while. I hated her temporarily for losing her temper at the drop of a hat! But I must admit, she pampered me a lot after her raging heartbeat resumed its normal pace. And I cannot forget the delicacies she made later in the day just to cheer me up and see me smiling and laughing again. Thanks, Mamma!

A balanced human being.

Drawing your attention to the larger picture now, let me tell you my mum was the kind of woman who could move mountains for the ones she loved; she still can. Despite the hardships and accuses/abuses hurled her way, she braved it all with a smiling face, often shedding her tears in the bathroom or using bedroom pillow as her confidante. Her wet pillow and sobs revealed it all but she never let them come in the way of her work. Did I tell you she was a teacher?She retired just a few months back but is still a favorite of all the children in the school (whether they were her students or not). She never let her personal issues interfere in her professional life and vice-versa. She is a living example of an amazing balance between work and personal life. I salute you, Mamma!

My best friend!

I don’t have many friends, not even a best friend for that matter.  And it’s not because I wasn’t friendly or was averse to friendship, it’s because I never needed any friend; my mum was and is my best friend, even today! She had (still has) the energy of a kid and never gave me a reason to look elsewhere when it came to playing games or sharing secrets. I still remember having a ball playing carom, badminton, cards, Scrabble, Business, etc. with her.There was no maid that time, and she still managed to wrap up the household chores quickly and spend ample of time with me. She even made time to teach me and ensured I had my doubts cleared. She is indeed the best teacher I’ve  seen so far! Hats off, Mamma!

She inspired me to achieve more…

My friends (classmates/neighbors/coaching buddies etc.) enjoyed coming home to savories and desserts my mum made. They had more fun spending time with her and often came home just to meet her. Her beauty added to her already impressive persona.Somehow, my teachers knew she was the sterner one (my dad wasn’t as strict when it came to studies) and insisted I got my test copies and report card signed by her, and not by my dad. That was a challenge, every effing time I got low marks – by low marks I mean not the highest in class, but scoring second or third highest.Disappointment loomed large in my house when the results revealed my second or third rank in class. She and I took it as a joint failure… But that pushed me to work harder and finally, after years of hard work and perseverance, I managed to score the highest aggregate in my graduation and post-graduation. Not only did I score the highest marks, I was a record-breaker! Efforts spell success, yes they do! Thanks, Mamma!

A selfless being.

She had (still has) a lot of fan following, our relatives, friends, neighbors, her and my dad’s colleagues, were all in awe of her. She always gave preference to others and served everyone selflessly. You are simply adorable, Mamma!

And now she is an amazing grandma too…

If her role as a mother was not enough to prove her worth, she took up the role of a grandma with equal ease. I love seeing the bonding my son shares with her and feel relieved to know that at least someone is there who will take care of my son (just like a mother) in my absence. We love you, Mamma!

A priceless gem!

A gem of a woman, she is the most beautiful lady I’ve ever known –  beautiful in and out. Words are too less to pour out my feelings for her.I wanted to be like her, exactly like her. But now I don’t! I would never want to be like that selfless, kind, and grounded lady who goes around helping others and taking the first step to sort out any arguments or differences but is never returned the  'favor' or even admired for it.

She is never appreciated or recognized.

She tries her best to keep everyone happy, forgetting her own happiness. But has she been reciprocated with an equal amount of love and compassion by anyone, including me? Has she been bestowed with an award for all the things she has done so far for everyone? Has anyone given her a gift in return for whatever she has done till date? Has she ever been told in simple, plain words about how much she means to us and how much she is appreciated for all she has done?I am not talking about superficial words and wishes that are sent her way on certain occasions like her birthday, anniversary, or mother’s day; I am talking about real sentiments and emotions. I am sorry, Mamma!

I am not as selfless… cannot be!

She still hasn’t given up and irrespective of what we say, or what we don’t say, she goes around the day cooking and cleaning for us. She still tries her best to cook sumptuous meals for us and does everything she can to make our day smooth and stress-free, regardless of her own health issues.Do we, including me, deserve all that love and attention? The answer is NO! I am an undeserving moron who simply ignores everything and anything she does and instead concentrates on what I want to eat, what I want to do, or how I should be treated. I am sorry, Mamma!

I don’t want to be like her, anymore. Rather I can’t be like her!

It is for such simple reasons that I no longer want to be like her. I don’t want to be ignored and taken for granted as she has been. I don’t want to be slogging my a** off just to keep others around me comfortable and happy. I don’t want to be treated like a backup by others. I don’t want to be wasting my life, time, and money on people who wouldn’t appreciate it. I don’t want to be like her, anymore! Sorry, Mamma, I don’t want to be like you, rather I cannot be like you!