On In People & Politics

An Inspiring Open Letter From A Wife To Her Husband: 'I Can Do All This By Myself, But Don't Want To'

Is liveliness supposed to vanish from one's life after a certain change? Clearly not, still there have been scenarios after which people find their life doomed as all they are left to do is to take care of someone. Here we have an open letter from a mother of two to her husband telling us that how much the support from her husband adds to her moral and how she finds every mundane day to be colorful when he is around. 

My transition from a woman to a 'stay-at-home-mom'.

"There were times I felt bitter toward you, especially when you were a medical student, and I was transitioning to being a stay-at-home-mom. You didn’t understand my struggle. I ate, slept, and breathed our child, and felt consumed and alone."

The nights I served, the days you lived.

"You had a life outside of parenthood to continue, and while I stopped mine, I accommodated yours. For years, I manned the night wakings and offered my breasts around the clock as the only consistent comfort amidst constant upheaval."

But sometimes I tell myself  “I can do all this by myself”.

"Whenever you were off from work, I took our toddler out the minute he woke up so you could sleep, but not always without resentment. I remember one morning, as I walked to our local bakery yet again, killing time with our little guy attached, I muttered, “I can do all this by myself”. I’ve now been a stay-at-home-mom for five years and have wondered if I could actually survive on my own. Emotional well-being aside, would I even be able to provide food and shelter?"

I am a go-getter.

"I never thought I’d ask myself that question, being the self-sufficient woman I thought myself to be, but the honest answer is yes, I’d be fine. After all, I’m a go-getter, and that’s the reason all this staying home has been hard in the first place. I’d make it, although there’d be details to figure out."

But dear husband, colours become even brighter with you.

"We don’t only co-parent, we co-experience life. We create and reflect on the same reality, and that somehow deepens the meaning of it all. When I see a beautiful sunset, and you say, “Look at that!” you validate what I see, and all of a sudden the colors become even brighter and more captivating."

Yes, you've made our lives the best and home is home only when you are here.

"You’re the dreamer, and you build our lives on the fantasies you manifest. Your doctor job is the one that would allow us to live a life of freedom and adventure. I don’t have a vision for life without you, and the only notion of home I have is wherever we are."

When you're not around I count down the time for you to come home.

"I pack bags and load babies like a boss. I clean toilets and play hide-and-seek simultaneously. I disguise trips to the grocery store as outings for cookies and have prepared many a meal with one hand. But despite my capability, I count down the time for you to come home, not because I so desperately need you to change the next diaper or fill the next sippy cup, but because I want you."

I can do it all by myself, but it all becomes more beautiful when you are around.

"I can certainly walk the kids to sleep by myself, but when we stroll together, the full moon looks fuller, and I’m inclined to admire it longer. I can take our son to karate by myself, but when that cute little girl beelines to be Javin’s partner, and another boy helps him perfect his jump kicks, I notice the sweetness, but I don’t giggle like I would with you.I don’t need you to share parenting responsibilities with me out of fairness or survival, but for the joy of doing so. With you, the funny moments are funnier, the cute moments are cuter, and contrary to the pattern, the terrible moments are less so. Life is simply better with you. It’s true that I don’t need you to survive. I need you for so much more."Link to the full letter: I Could Do This Without You, But I Don’t Want To (A Letter To My Husband).